Posted by
TOTA on Friday, September 19, 2008 12:03:38 AM
It's been reported that a contingent of the Obama 'War Room' has been detached to the 'Bomb Shelter' - a secretive enclave where final options are considered, if things look grim going into the final days. Though supposedly secluded and sequestered, we managed to pay one of the escorts coming and going from the place to grab whatever papers she could and make a dash for it. We watched from behind the nearby outhouse as the door flew open and "Charice' (not her real name) came running from the shanty. She'd managed to grab a Chicago phone book and a single piece of paper. Against all odds, we hit pay dirt. Here, for the first time, is the text of the 'nuclear option' ad, their final push to turn things around in desperate circumstances. To make things better, judging from the handwriting, Obama both edited and approved it, there's a big "A" circled at the top, a little green star is pasted on it, and the words "Very nicely done" are at the top in red pen, underlined. Here it is, you might want to sit down.
"Old 'Stinky Fish' McCain and his porcine partner have lied and lied and lied. They say they care about regular people. Only I do, Barack. I'll give every family in America a big fat check, at least a grand. A grand! Whether you work or not. All you have to do is show up on election day and vote for me. Can't you spare an hour out of your day to make a cool grand? Now we're talking. That's right - we'll stick it to the man, together. You and me, brothers and sisters. If you've been cast aside I want your vote. If you've been down and out, or feeling blue, I'll speak for you. If you need a better job, I'll make someone give it to you. If you feel like the man has been holding you down, I'll look the other way when you riot. In short, if you're anything but smiling from ear to ear 24/7, I can cure what is wrong with you. The rich have more than enough cash to help out the rest of us, and I'll make sure you get it - if you vote for me. So now we're up to $1000 or more in cold, hard cash, and the promise of whatever we can squeeze out of the people who have been crapping all over you for so long - your employers, bosses, all republicans, the fuzz - you know, the man. THE MAN! Well, there's a new MAN in town, and his name is Barack HUSSEIN Obama! That's right - I said it. It's not enough that the republicans hate me because of the color of my skin. They hate me because of my name. Well look here, republicans with your fancy yaughts and your segregated country-clubs: You may be able to kick around Jose the gardner because he's a Mexican migrant who doesn't have papers, but you can't kick me around, because there's a new MAN in town. That's right ladies. And gentlemen. That's right, I said I'm the new Man. I'm the one we've all been waiting for. I saved southside Chicago from poverty and destitution. Now I'll save you from being crapped on by the old man, the 'stinky old fish' crowd that McCain rules over with an iron fist. As for his partner, did you know she comes from a small town, and her 17 year old daughter is a prego? Will she have the baby at the trailer, or at the hospital? Stay tuned. Anyhoo, vote for me. I'm Barack Hussein Obama, and I approved this message.
PS - Vote for me. MeCain stinks. Vote for me.
PPS - McCain stinks vote for me to the 100th power.
PPPS - No takebacks and no halfsies."
We can't verify the above story or the authenticity of the proposed ad.
TOTA